So I’m very well versed in the theory that everything is a choice. And I believe it to be true. I choose and create the whole of my reality.
But geez, when it feels tough, I really struggle to understand why I’m feeling this way. And it absolutely sucks. It feels crap. It feel exhausting. It feels like it isn’t me. It certainly feels like an opportunity to grow (or reseed into the earth!) but often I can’t work out what on earth I’m supposed to be learning.
I feel like all my tools in my tool kit escape me.
Ultimately I ask myself to do one thing. As kindly as I can manage. Just take one step.
One.
It only takes one and the next one will arise.
The start of the new year has been strangely tough for me. 2015 helped me grow more than I’d ever imagined, but the course it took was incredibly different. I experienced a lot of personal change in 2015. And as the new year rolls around, I’m still in the midst of change, getting ready to launch new programs and also needing to put those on hold to engage fully in my sacred family holiday time. I’m really up tight. I’m a bit scared. A bit scared about 2016 and how the choices I’m making will play out.
And I know that doesn’t serve me… So that’s one of the reasons I write. I write to get it out of my head. To just take one step and move my thoughts from spinning around inside my head out of any sequence map, and plotting it down to create some sense from it.
I am the kind of chick that needs to have a bit of time to herself. It is important to me as the polar opposite to a place I enjoy spending a lot of time – most of my time – being totally engaged with people, conversing, evolving ideas and thoughts and laughing.
When I avoid taking the time for me – because I’m busy doing, because my kids need something, because if I do preparation now it’ll make the day/week/month easier, I just find it’s harder and I disable the smarter – the access to making things smarter not harder.
It’s been a strange holiday so far.
It’s the first time we’ve visited Byron Bay as adults. And it’s been difficult on two fronts:
1. We don’t know the area, and getting the things we need can be challenging at first.
2. It’s different to what I expected.
When I chill out, I like to have a few things on hand. I try to design it this way, having found these things to work enormously well for me in the past and because I find when I have them I’m more flexible and more opportunities present themselves.
Bedrooms is first. I need a bedroom per child (and one for us!), so we all can get some sleep. With littlies, if they don’t sleep, we don’t get good sleep.
Beach is second. And I look for it to be walking distance, so we can stroll down first thing in the morning without all the gear needed for midday sun, have a dip and a play, then have breakfast.
Kitchen is third. Hungry people aren’t too happy, and having a kitchen (or at least my Thermomix!) helps me pull things together.
Wholefoods cafes is fourth. We’re using food as medicine a bit at he moment, and while our list of ingredients we’re giving a rest isn’t long, they’re in lots of different things, and we don’t feel great when we consume them. We find Wholefoods places tend to know their ingredients well, so we can make choices we choose (plus they also tend to have nutrient dense choices).
Sun is fifth. And this is sun without too much sting or its sidekick wind. A friend once said to me he was solar powered. I’m in this camp too. The sun powers me up. And when I’ve had plenty of it, other weather conditions fade away and create other opportunities. But when I don’t get enough, I get all tied up, and crave it.
These five things were things we thought we had sorted when we booked a couple of weeks in Byron, and it wasn’t the case.
The bedrooms are a tick. Good start.
The beach is not close enough to walk to with little kids.
The kitchen is available, and the Thermomix is on hand, although there’s a few random things (like a fry pan) which would be handy to have.
The Wholefoods cafes are surprisingly sparse. I thought Byron was a bit of a foodies Mecca and I’ve not found that to be true.
The sun has had its old friend wind out plus its fair share of summer showers, and I’ve just been craving warm. And with those winds, the water has been so choppy I haven’t been able to really get into the beach action.
But I have a choice. Remain cranky about it being time consuming to find good places and my expectations, or I can leave those things right here in the sand, and just take one step to make a new choice.
I choose the new choice.
Rx
